It’s been a while.
Today was just one of those days. I’ve been thinking a whole damn lot lately. About life. About how I’m living mine. About who I spend my time with. About my family. About how society works. And about all the crazy rules and structure we all have. Life, originally wasn’t meant to be this way. I’m pretty sure it was just a fluke to begin with.
God, I have a lot to say, and very little organization to this all.
Life, I think, was just a fluke. A mishap. From what I can tell, that’s all. A glorious mishap that gave me who I am, my consciousness. And maybe our consciousness is just in our heads, but i don’t think it is. I think it is outside of ourselves. Because sometimes, when I sit under a tree in the middle of summer in the heat and the mottled shade. And I can smell the grass and the flowers and the dirt, I feel connected to everything. And I feel that I’m experiencing something that couldn’t possibly be just in my head, it’s too great for that. At least I hope it is. It would be a pretty depressing existence to exist only in our own, or in someone else’s imagination.
Part of that reasoning comes from my idea that we can only imagine things that truly exist on our plane of reality. I watched Paranormal Activity the other day, and it got me thinking, how do so many cultures have records of demons and ghosts if they don’t actually exist? I mean, there are records from every time period, and from societies that existed at the same time but had no knowledge of each other. So all these stories have to be based somewhere. How likely is it that all early people have imagined the same type of creatures? Not likely, I say.
On to society. Today in my US History class, our teacher talked about how the railroads made standardized time necessary. I found myself damning them silently. I hate how society is so restricted by what time it is and when they have to be places. It pisses me off. Why can’t we live how we were probably originally supposed to; without set times when we eat, sleep, work, play. It’s actually better for you, said my 7th grade science teacher, to graze all day rather than eating only three meals. It lets your body know that it does not, in fact, need to store fat because there is plenty of food to be had. I don’t know why I can remember that, but I can. It rang true with me I suppose.
I said supposed to in that last paragraph, referring to humans. Which honestly contradicts my beliefs, but I won’t go change it, because it shows what society has groomed us to think. We are made to think that we have been created with a purpose, to do something, to act a certain way. But we weren’t. There is no Creator, there is no set path for anyone. We can do whatever we damn well please, and we came from monkeys dammit.
Well, we could do whatever we pleased if government and laws hadn’t sprouted from the minds of some twisted people way back when. Who were they to decide that because we communicated in a way we thought was superior to any other living species, we shouldn’t kill each other like they do? Not that I’m for killing people, but really, who made the decision that there needed to be laws and restrictions and rules. I think that the things on the planet we happen to live on should be things that we are able to explore and use in whatever way we want to. If it’s something that ends up killing you, so be it. We’re all gonna die in the end.
Yes, I’m protesting society, I’m sick of rules. I’m sick of going to class, being on time. I’m tired of always working towards the future. I want to just live in the moment, I want to do as much as I can before I die, because I don’t want to die with regrets. But I’ll keep on this path I’m on, at least for now. Because right now, I’m not my own person yet, my parents still control what I do. But someday, I’ll go about my days on my schedule. Someday, I want to travel around the country in a beat up car holding all the stuff I need. I want to find that great little burger joint in a small town in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. I want to discover an incredible view on a little known path in the mountains. I want to play music on the corner in every big city I pass through. I want to live, really live in that day, that hour, that moment. I’m gonna have great adventures. Anyone wanna come?
